Fear & Hope

I wrote this a few years back, heart hurting and a war going on within in order to not hurt again.  I wonder if there was a time in your life that you may have struggled in guarding your own heart?

Fear & Hope

Hope lingers

My risky, fair weathered friend

She fills me with excitement

And then flies away far into the starry night.

She beckons me to live beyond day,

            to dream,

            become fully alive,

            laugh and play.

But she offers no guarantees

No assurances again the depths of darkness

            destruction

            heart break.

Breathe in hope

Exhale fear…

Yet fear is so much easier to live with,

believe

buy into.

He guards my heart from truly living

As my soul goes into a catatonic state of “being.”

A war wages on between hope and fear…

Both risky and out of my control.

Which way do I go?

Where do I turn?

I will walk in love

And not be consumed with this inner world

            of darkness and confusion.

In hopes of others receiving your embrace,

That they would be lead to healing and wholeness of soul.

I will choose love.

I will choose peace…

That you would guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Peace that passes all understanding

Peace that you say you’ll never leave me.

Fill me with your peace.

And I will hope in you--

That this journey is a bigger story.

That you know what you’re doing.

You make all things new.

You will make rough places smooth,

You adore me,

You will hold my heart,

You know me.

I will hope in you.

I will try not to be afraid.

For you are my helper

What can mere man do to me?

Hope lingers

Fear waits…

I will not give up the fight.

Thankful

Today a friend painted Renew with me.  She planned it for several weeks, drove 45 minutes both ways to come, and unselfishly gave expecting nothing in return.   And I am reminded of so many who have done the same.. and serving the mission of Renew Counseling Center... inspiriting and restoring wholeness to those with struggles.

I am humbled to think over the past 7 years how many, dozens and dozens of men and women have picked up the towel and basin and served in whatever way they could, expecting nothing in return.

"If anyone wants to be great among you, he must be your servant."

True greatness in bowing down, prostrate before our King.
True greatness comes, in serving with no strings attached.

And I want to learn from these men and women who have served me like this.  So kind, so loving, so joyful.

Maybe someday I can be like them when I grow up.

Reminiscing on such beauty fills my heart with joy and gratitude.  

What does your Heart Say?

Soul, how are you?  How am I taking care of you?  Am I ignoring you?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?   I know they are kind of strange to think of this way. Perhaps you feel so hurried by the day to day that there is no time to sit and ponder.  I know for me, I have to force myself to be quiet, turn off media devices, and sit in silence to be able to listen to my soul.

“Guard your heart with all diligence.  For from it flows the wellsprings of life.” 

So if your soul, your heart could speak to you right now, what would it say?  For me, I hear, “Kori, rest.  Be still.  You have been so busy going from one task to another.  Stop multiple tasking and just fully BE with your daughter, enjoying those moments.  Things really can wait.  Write, create, do art, read My Word… these things fill your soul so that it can overflow once again.

What does your heart say?  What fills it up?

Band-Aids

We all get hurt sometime, fall down, and get bruised along the journey.  What would we do without Band-Aids?  They protect our wound from getting infection, getting hit again and making it hurt more.  You use them immediately after getting injured. 

And so it is with life.  We are not meant to journey it alone.  We need Band-Aids to help us to heal, to protect us from harm, or lies we can tell ourselves.  I share with my clients that we all need a handful of band aids- three to five people we can go to when we are struggling, hurting and that we can share our joys, celebrate with.  You see we can wear out one band aid if we only have one…. becoming dependent on one to meet our needs, disappointed when one has his own things they are dealing with and do not have the margin to assist us.  But, if we have a handful, then we do not have to worry about being alone.  There is someone we can share our burden with, pray with, or just know we are not alone.  Band-Aids help heal.

Who are your Band-Aids?  Who are you a Band-Aid for?

Emptiness

Week passing by and I sit a minute and get to be still again

Ahhhh… so refreshing to catch my breath

For my lungs to relax and not feel rushed,

Tightened as I strive to get to the next thing.

The way it once was.

The way it should be.

Sometimes emptiness is scary.

To face yourself without the clutter

To confront your thoughts, feelings

To learn “Is there anything inside?”

Will I like what I see?

What do you think of me?

What do I think of me?

And then to learn and unlearn

To an audience of one.

To rest in just pleasing Him…

What do You think of me God?

And to surrender for Love’s sake

Relinquish that life may abound

Die to truly live

Clothed in a robe of righteousness

Garments of salvation

Resting under the shadow of His wings

Peace.

The Fight

Watching souls fight to survive

Wounded spirits crushed, striving to get back up again from the fall

Stupid enemy distorts, lies, and strips one of truth.

Truth of who they are,

Their worth,

Who they are made to be.

But that is not the end of the story

I will stand firm, confident in this!

There is life

Meaning

Purpose for everything under the sun.

There is hope

And sweet redemption

The Light will not be blown out by darkness

Light that walks with us each step of the way

Endures the blows with us

Helps up get back up

And oh so lovingly whispers in our ears,

“I am here with you.  I will NOT let go of your hand.”

Light that is our rock

Our hope

Our shelter.

Darkness comes

Strives to steal our souls

But stand firm!

Fight!

You are worth fighting for

Don’t quit

Hold on

Walk in the light

That you may find rest for your tired and weary soul.

Where is God?

You are here.

You are here.

You are everywhere.

Up above me

Underneath me

All around me

You are here.

You carry me under the shadow of your wings.

You blow kisses on me as the wind hits my face.

I smile as I look up at the sky and think of you orchestrating the clouds and signing your signature for that moment over the earth.

You are here.

You are here.

As my baby learns something for the first time.

As she discovers her hands

And learns to trust, in faith to take her first steps.

And I am reminded of creation.

How it was

How it can be.

You are here.

You are here.

As you make a miracle after decades happen.

When healing comes through love, open hearts, open hands, prayers to you.

Sitting back you move all the more.

And you are here.

Underneath me, all around me

Wrapped in your grace

Clothed in a robe of righteousness.

Bowing before you

My King

The lover of my soul

You are here and so am I.